The Good LIfe

I figured out I'm living the good life.

I have a great family. Great friends. I'm covered in prayer and love by those people every day. And I serve a God who pursues me, takes away my burdens and offers me rest instead. Couldn't ask for more. I'm really content. And at peace. Which is the fruit I've been focusing on for the past week...and I've decided to go another week with it because I feel like God has more to show me about it.

I haven't written in awhile so I'll just put the big stuff on my heart right now. Last Tuesday I had counseling and Susan asked me "When you get home, what do you want to know in your heart?" And I started crying and I said " I want the students to know how much I love them. Because I really do." I came here expecting to care and love to an extent...but I never expected to fall so much in love with them. I carry them in my heart now. I decided to sit down individually with each student and tell them how much I love them and how they have impacted me. When I get home I want to know that I gave my heart away to them. I don't want any regrets. Before coming here I made the decision to dive in head first and not come up for air. I didn't want to take this opportunity God gave me for granted. So I've thrown myself into it...and the result was love. I'll take it. Susan affirmed a lot in me...like she always does. She basically told me I love without rules. And I don't give up on it. Even when it feels like that love isn't reciprocated I keep with it. I think she sees more in me than I do...but that's ok, God has used her this summer.

I've started to reflect a lot on my time here. I only have two weeks left so I want to try to prepare my heart for leaving. I'm most scared of leaving and the transformations that have happened in me, the lessons I've learned, the experiences, will all feel like a dream and I won't be able to really process what has happened to me the last 3 months. I need prayer that God helps me remember the experiences, encounters and lessons. That the transformation will be brought to completion in this part of my journey.

I'm also really nervous about going back to school. I'm hoping my friendships will be just as strong if not stronger than when I left. I guess I'm just scared because I know I've changed some (not in huge bad ways) that I will have trouble adjusting or relating. I don't know...I hoping that's not how it will be. That's something else you all can be praying about.

Other than all of that I'm just trying to finish out the internship really strong. I've made the commitment to be fully present and "in it" until I get on the plane. I don't want to check out on the students and I don't want them to check out on me. There is still love to be given, lessons to be learned and time to be shared. God will still blow me away in the next couple weeks.