Wrestling

I have been wrestling, so this messsage is about wrestling. Not literally.

Also, this message is a direct effect of being harrassed by a friend to do this. :) But I'm ok with it because I have needed to update this pitiful blog. So forgive me if this is all over the place, these are my thoughts on a whim.

I started Grad school almost two months ago and it has been a crazy whirlwind of an experience so far. I always have stuff to do and it is challenging me in many many ways. Academically it is do-able, just very time consuming (30 page papers don't take just an hour to do) and I really like learning about everything...it's really amazing to me. Mentally and emotionally and I am being tested all of the time. I'm tired a lot, and stressed more than I ever have been in my life. My clients are working through hard things and I am honored to be a part of their journey. I carry them in my heart throughout the day and lift each of them up to God who is their ultimate healer. I'm learning about how important intercession on my client's behalf is. If I didn't have Jesus to talk to about them and for them, I would feel so burdened by the hurt they experience. God is showing me so much of his heart through all of this. I'm learning that by myself, I cannot help any of the people who come up here to the counseling center. It is all Him. And I rely so much on his wisdom and love to guide me through each session. That's also a humbling thing and I like it. He is increasing so much more in my life. But that's not to say it isn't difficult. I wrestle with Him a lot about it...probably because I am stubborn. But that's part of what I love about God is that He lets me push back and then He pushes and then I push back until eventually I get it. I don't know if that makes sense but it makes sense to me so I don't care. I want to become like him and I think He is slowly but surely workin that out with me. I'm also working through accepting/knowing who I am in the Kingdom. 1 Corinthians talks about being part of the body...but what part am I? And am I really fulfilling my part? And what do I have to offer to the Kingdom? I don't know...I'm still wrestling with that.

But I do know that I love what I get to do every day. It is not easy at all, but I love that God has chosen me to help people wrestle. And I love that He's letting me wrestle.

More to come...